Handouts and Hands Out

Republicans expressing consternation (h/t: Drudge) that illegal immigrants might be receiving bailout money in the latest government "stimulus" must have misunderstood last week's memo. Since we have promised to be a nation that holds its hand out "[t]o those who cling to power through corruption and deceit and the silencing of dissent", why not give a handout to deceitful law-breakers whose only shortcoming is that they don't have any power to hold on to? After all, since they've stopped protesting vacuous threats that our laws will actually be enforced, illegals have quietly unclenched their fists. What more could we ask for?

Rangel Rule

When Charlie Rangel gets something named after himself, we've learned that it tends to involve a little pay-for-play. With the new "Rangel Rule" (h/t: Instapundit) proposal put forward by Rep. John Carter (R-TX), habit forces us to ask, "Who is going to pay?" Dumb question, of course. Since Grandma Nancy will have the Treasury presses working overtime to print enough money for the latest handout, we can count on little Charlie getting more than his fair share.

Here's Carter's announcement:

Carter, a former longtime Texas judge, today introduced the Rangel Rule Act of 2009, HR 735, which would prohibit the Internal Revenue Service from charging penalties and interest on back taxes against U.S. citizens. Under the proposed law, any taxpayer who wrote “Rangel Rule” on their return when paying back taxes would be immune from penalties and interest.

UPDATE: Carter's proposal displays the kind of self-mockery that we particularly enjoy at A Swift Proposal. We're so pleased with his effort that we're going to name him the first-ever recipient of our newly created Swifty Award. Congratulations, John!

UPDATE II: Clarification: The Swifty can't go to just anyone who engages in self-mockery. One major qualification has to be that the speaker/writer must know that he is doing it. For example, hostesses on The View seem to mock their own intelligence every time they open their mouths. That doesn't count because they know not what they are doing.

You break it ...

To bail out or Not to bail out? Why's there even a question when the answer's so easy? We elected government officials like Barney Frank and Chris Dodd, who were charged with regulating the financial institutions that are the foundation of our economy. Never mind that Dodd got a sweetheart deal from those he was supposed to be watching. Forget Frank’s support and cover-up of bad, government mandated lending practices. Don't mind the details. The simple fact is that Frank, Dodd, and their ilk broke the system. That's why the answer is so easy: You Break It, You Bought It. Show your support for the latest trillion dollar spending spree for Frank and Dodd. It's time we pay for their mess, again.

Vatican Issues Emergency Reversal on Birth Control

ROME - In a shocking reversal of a 2,000 year policy, the Vatican today announced that it was temporarily lifting its ban on contraceptives, at least in the United States. According to one Vatican insider, the Pope has great sympathy for the American people who are suffering during the economic downturn. After looking over the details of the Democrat-led stimulus package, it became clear that taxpayers were simply getting screwed by their government. With images of Nancy Pelosi leading the way, the Holy Father shuddered and admitted that everyone should be free to use as much protection as possible.